Ups and Downs: May 23 IMPACT Review

Ups and Downs: May 23 IMPACT Review
"3-Year Anniversary, 35 Months Longer Than An Average Hulk Hogan Marriage!"

Another Impact review, on the heels of TNAsylum’s three year anniversary, which in itself is a fantastic achievement. I was considering penning something in addition to this review, ideas were thrown around courtesy of readers (the 5 best and 5 worst TNA PPVs/wrestlers/title reigns and so on). Whilst they were all interesting concepts, if I were to write something else I wanted to create a niche. Something that wouldn’t allow me to compromise myself.

I hope this will suffice, with all the great pieces being showcased today I have a feeling TNAsylum will survive! I’m very happy to be a contributor to this site, in a wrestling world that feels the need to piss all over TNA because IT’S THE COOL THING TO DO, it’s nice to have a board such as this to gain an appreciation for TNA with fellow passionate fans.

The sun has appeared in the UK (that’s a rarity), so I’m going to sit back, relax and enjoy all the pieces on here. Maybe I’ll watch an old TNA show for the heck of it!

Take it easy guys.

Down: BEACH SHOP BROTHER!

So Hulk kicks things off (heaven forbid they try something different for once) and… wait, what do you mean I used that line last week and can’t repeat it for a second week? Oh boy.

With TNA’s dismal first hour ratings you’d think that opening the show with compelling viewing would be a must. Instead we get Hogan talking about drinking before the show, how he witnessed Shark Boy swim through the waters of T town before joining him for a drink, some mention of Hogan’s beach shop thrown in (because HOGAN’S BEACH SHOP BROTHER) and more drinking. Surely the Aces and Eights drink enough alcohol to keep the show relevant in a Friday night pub get together for the next fifty years or so.

We finally get to (slightly) more important matters, Hogan calls Sting out only to try and persuade him to throw out the whole ‘lose and you’re never challenging for the world championship again’ matter at hand. Sting dismisses it by stating this is his last chance, and if he loses then he doesn’t deserve to compete for the championship again. Basically Sting said all the right things to endear himself to me and possibly 90% of everyone who complains on the internetzzz, reinforcing that stipulation will add to the high stakes nature of the match, and it really validates this moving forward in case Sting ever decides to just challenge for the championship again (I wouldn’t put it past him or TNA).

Then Brooke Hogan rears her head – which coincidentally was masked by that much make up I had to do a double take between her and Lisa Simpson – and wants to step down as the head of the Knockouts division purely because she feels she’s at fault for everything. Bully then completes the circle and states he still loves Brooke and all that jazz. I don’t say a lot of positive things about this angle, but I will say that this adds some more intrigue into the main event, especially in regards to the ‘will Brooke turn heel or not’ routine. I mean can you feel the excitement?

Up: Purely for TJ Perkins.

Suicide Perkins advances to the Slammiversary Ultimate X match (if TNA’s disregard for spoilers last week didn’t tip you off anyway) and I don’t mind purely because it means more TJ Perkins and the Spider-Man spot in the ropes on my screen. It was a fairly decent match, although it did have a tough act to follow after the King-Williams-Sabin three way which was spectacular. Even though more attention is being paid to the X division as of late, two weeks from a PPV it still feels TNA are going through the motions. Especially when Joey Ryan is thrust into a match as big as this with no momentum whatsoever, you can thank Rob Terry for that.

Up: No more X Cam?

Brian Stiffler rejoices.

Up: Sabin and his beanie.

What Chris Sabin lacks in the wardrobe department – brown leather jacket with jeans is a big no – he more than makes up for courtesy of his ‘talking to James Storm with my casual wear clothing that doesn’t scream douchey art student’ clothing.

Any time we get numerous nods to the glory days of TNA then I’m satisfied, and none come much bigger than the two greatest tag teams in TNA history. It was a nostalgic 30 second segment yet achieved so much, whether that’s comparing bruises from their history, setting up Storm’s reveal later tonight, or even reminding us that Option C is still a thing.

Option C is still a thing? Shit the bed!

Down: Mr. Gut Check Wes Brisco.

Those ‘promo’ skills just get worse and worse every week, was this supposed to make me laugh?

Speaking of going through the motions, I’m sure TNA just assign a chart at random regarding when the Aces and Eights attack Magnus and when he returns. In this particular case it’s no longer enabling us to enjoy a Magnus return as much as him returning two weeks prior to Slammiversary just to fill the card, and that’s a sad state of affairs. As for the Aces and Eights attacking Sam Shaw therefore making it personal with Magnus? I don’t buy that at all, here’s a guy who has been sidelined more times than the Seattle Seahawks roster thanks to HGH abuse within the last six months, and only now has a couple of punches to a Gut Check participant really ticked him off? That’s just lazy storytelling.

Oh, and a note to all the Gut Check hopefuls begging for votes right now, it took Sam Shaw ten months to make his television debut. Just remember that.

Up: The return of the Joe Daddys?

I can dig that.

Down: TNA Evolve™.

A fractured skull to Jeff Hardy? Don’t worry, TNA Evolve™ will fix that!

Up: Save amateur wrestling, or die of boredom watching amateur wrestling.

I realise amateur wrestling isn’t for everyone, and for me it’s on a par with watching Wes Brisco wrestle in regards to putting me to sleep, but regardless of how watchable it is you can’t dispute it belongs in the Olympics. TNA did a nice job following Angle around and recapping this, because piggybacking on a media campaign such as saving the Olympics can only bring good exposure to TNA. This has Dixie Carter written all over it.

Down: Angle-AJ is officially a double main event.

I’ve not a problem with this if it lives up to the expectations of past encounters, but I’ll whisper it quietly and say how recently Kurt Angle has been more painful to watch then I could ever remember. There’s a time when injury after injury adds up, and of course he can still pull off the german suplexes and the ankle locks but beyond that what can we expect? Angle-Anderson is a different animal than Angle-AJ, one is a fast paced and demanding match, and one is Angle-Anderson. Considering the PPV model now counts for minimal errors and maximum effort, the microscope will be so much larger, especially on this bout.

Up: “Control yourself Taryn”

I think that’s what Drew McIntyre said although I may be wrong…

Up: Ladies and gentleman your tag team division.

I really am at a loss as to what to say about this whole segment, there were the usual (and not so usual) culprits, in no particular order:

1) Storm, Chavo and Hernandez, Bad Influence and the Wet Dream Team – understandable considering they’re all involved for the titles, that and Kazarian’s dangerously low unbuttoned shirt.
2) Shark Boy and Robbie E – Apparently Shark Boy was done drinking with Hogan and thought why the hell not?
3) Chavo being Chavo – “It seems wherever these titles go them [Roode and Aries] follow”. The same Chavo who interrupted every promo between Bad Influence and the Wet Dream Team for the last month.
4) Gunner – I won’t lie, Gunner is sick.

Seriously, I don’t get the irrepressible hate towards Gunner, obviously he’s not the most fluid in the ring, which is why he’s just spent over a year hopefully fixing that. And when you’ve got a roster featuring the likes of Rob Terry, Sting in the main event picture, Hogan rambling about beach shops and Velvet Sky you can (and will) do a lot worse. We spend all this time finding fault with TNA’s lack of need to push young stars (and it’s been justified), but one look at the Slammiversary card features the likes of Gunner, Sam Shaw, Jay Bradley and Kenny King. For all of TNA’s recent transgressions they’re trying to make this youth movement happen. As for Gunner, James Storm’s recent tag teams have proved to be kinda successful, if this helps to set Gunner up moving forward then I have no issues whatsoever. This was very well done.

Up: “You’re going to kayfab me all the way to the very end of this thing aren’t ya.”

I laughed.

Up: Mickie James.

I don’t want to say too much, mainly to avoid another ‘YoU H8 VeEElVve3t!!!!’ argument so I’ll just mention how lovely Mickie James is.

She’s really lovely.

Up: The lone wolf strikes.

There are a lot of ways to make someone seem like a big deal (regardless of what wrestling purists like to say), and you’d be well justified in saying this segment made AJ out to be the man. That’s an endorsement in itself, and it goes to show natural storyline progression trumps extravagant video packages, self-indulgent ego boosts and overhyped returns alike. We all know how this narrative begins and ends – AJ is the face of TNA who for years followed in line like a good soldier, he however hasn’t been treated like he’s the guy TNA could turn to in certain aspects, and that may shock some of you.

Think about it, he’s suffered mightily since the Hogan-Bischoff experiment took effect, mainly because didn’t fit the mould. Forget the big muscled guys with little charisma, AJ never really had a distinctive look or standout mic skills as much as he had fantastic in ring ability, which were second to none in certain phases, and in a business that increasingly demands more than just being able to ‘go’ in the ring that’s a testament to Styles. He’s always been painted as the baby faced redneck that bites off more than he could chew every time he steps in the ring, and to tie this all together with a pretty ribbon he only has one world championship reign. ONE! That’s one less than the likes of Anderson and on a par with Rob Van Dam and Mick Foley. MICK FOLEY! I find that incredibly hard to wrap my head around, for a guy who’s always been ‘positioned’ as the man it’s unforgivable. And considering that title win came from ‘the passing of the torch’ from a wily old veteran (Sting), to the guy who could, and should take you to the next level (AJ) the irony is laughable. They should have capitalised on that, instead Styles was pushed to the back of the line in favour of more main event appearances from Sting. Counter production at its finest.

The appeal with AJ surrounds his true to life persona, throughout his time in TNA he hasn’t demanded the big introduction Kurt Angle made upon his debut, he hasn’t needed monikers to help further his presence like a Samoa Joe, and he hasn’t failed numerous drugs tests like a Jeff Hardy only to be rewarded with numerous title reigns. Those aren’t jabs at the aforementioned either, when I look at AJ I see retro, I see a walking acknowledgment to pro wrestling history – and specifically TNA’s tenure since day one in Nashville – an individual that has a fan base outdated by those who come for entertainment in the form of verbiage and/or a powerful look. He’s been made a victim in the company he helped build thanks to being overshadowed by former WWE stars, (though TNA are deviating from that model now).

Up: A slight tangent, but that’s the whole point.

This renaissance will help AJ, there’s been the argument his return has just dragged out ultimatum after ultimatum, but in all honesty what storyline ticks all the boxes in one fell swoop? Some wrestling fans will root for the flashy bad guy with the aviators, others will take the side of the good guy who adores the rallying cries from his legion of followers, and then you get the throwback. The throwback that embodies pure old school wrestling and nostalgia all mixed into one, this relates to AJ because he is that guy, and in 2013 it doesn’t have to go out of style because it’s not deemed ‘up to date’ anymore. AJ is the glue allowing TNA to keep hold of their identity – to acknowledge the Asylum days back in Nashville. If AJ allows TNA to do that he’ll make a fine world champion, and TNA should hold on for dear life.

Whilst this segment (and AJ’s return in general) may have happened years too late, it does seem such a simple concept in hindsight, especially when it comes to a guy who should always be at the top of the food chain. No nonsense development without the requirement to settle for a good or bad side can work, it doesn’t need to be perceived as an out of date experiment when it’s executed in this manner. This is pro wrestling, where we’re encouraged to overthink matters but we shouldn’t, (because God forbid pro wrestling itself doesn’t abide to those rules).