Ups and Downs: May 16th IMPACT Review
"Make Me Bleed; Failing That, Tickle me Bully!"
Down: Hulk being Hulk.
So Hulk kicks things off (heaven forbid they try something different for once) and he effectively runs down a few things:
1. AJ will face Angle at Slammiversary: because Hulk quote on quote ‘doesn’t care if AJ joins the Aces and Eights’, whilst displaying a look of everything that’s wrong (or right) regarding the perception of his Hogan-esque behaviour, especially when we’re supposed to believe these unfavourable situations should impact him but don’t, purely because he’s Hulk Hogan and why not? (Oh, and if you were wondering, instead of Hogan-esque you can insert a variety of words to your preference – selfish, egotistical, self-serving, narcissistic are just a few examples).
It’s frustrating because it not only brushes aside the ramifications of AJ joining the Aces and Eights, but it’s also the complete polar opposite of what his actions and pleas the last few months have implied. I’m not trying to be the wet blanket of reason here, but the face of your company and mainstay since day one shouldn’t be disregarded or palmed off in typical Hulk Hogan fashion because his ego was bruised, especially when your backup plan is a volatile monster who can’t commit to a lot (because of personal issues alike), yet Hogan thinks he’s their saviour because he saved their neck just the one time. And you can’t really pin the indecisive all on AJ’s part, especially when your game plan is to either issue him constant ultimatums and/or start playing fisticuffs.
2. The Sting-Bully Ray contract signing will happen tonight: because contract signings always turn out so well.
3. He wants to thank Abyss: because as I just referred to above, Abyss no showing links in with those personal issues. You can’t rely on this guy, purely because the whole ‘I’m a monster with a badly conceived wig’ schtick makes no room for friends and new friendships alike, but hey we get TV title acknowledgment!
Down: Chunks out of asses.
Wait… the TV title is still a thing? Devon is using logic? What world am I in?
I’ve not exactly made my concerns about Joseph Park’s longevity private, because there is an expiry date on this type of character, and we now start to see the lines between Abyss and Park merge yet again and for me that’s up for debate. My main concern is how they’ll get from plan A to plan B, if Joseph turns up every week stumbling around wondering as to the whereabouts of his brother (you know, Abyss) then it’s a severe case of déjà vu. I don’t think they can continue making Joseph Park intriguing in a capacity that resonates with the fans, and Park going after the TV title wouldn’t be my first choice, purely because a champion shouldn’t blink in front of the bright lights and seem so unnerved in its natural habitat. Look, I get the whole ‘see blood and turn red with anger’ routine and I guess it’s a hook, but it all seems to contrived, too much like a caricature. But I guess that’s what you sign up for with Joseph Park.
Two times Devon wants to take a chunk out of Abyss’ ass, unless he’s auditioning for the fourth season of The Walking Dead I would be slightly worried.
(EDIT: I am worried.)
Down: One of these individuals is Chavo Guerrero, and one is Bobby Roode.
Do the math.
Besides from Christy Hemme actually announcing Bobby Roode as you know… Bobby Roode there wasn’t a whole lot of anything throughout this bout, it was the longest reigning world champ in TNA history against Chavo Guerrero. Like I said, do the math.
The Storm-Roode encounter left me in a glass case of emotion (I’m looking at you Ron Burgundy). Do I want to see Beer Money reunited? Do I want to see them remain single stars (or in Storm’s case right now lack of a star)? Do I just want rational and relatable story telling? Either way I’m hooked for the tag title bout at Slammiversary, partly for the aforementioned Beer Money pseudo reunion and partly for some awesome wrestling.
Up: ONE MORE TIME!!!
You know what, I could tear this Slammiversary match apart. I could say it’s lazy and a case of lumping two of your most uber talented guys together just because they’re familiar with each other – AKA the Daniels-AJ syndrome. I could say there’s more interesting avenues to take when progressing AJ’s character, or I could simply condemn the overuse of leather jackets in pro wrestling circa 2013.
But I won’t. I like it, not only because it will be an outstanding bout (that’s a plus), but also due to there being some actual well-reasoned thinking behind it. Think about it, besides from Angle acting like a douche he has some credible issues (those issues being him wanting answers, he became impatient so took matters into his own hands yet still hasn’t received said answers). Sting is challenging Bully for the world title, if the world title goes so does the Aces and Eights and everything they’ve set out to accomplish. What would Angle gain by challenging Brisco and Bischoff for the 72nd time? He can’t extinguish the faction, that lies all on Sting. So why shouldn’t he go after the hot and valuable free agent? The guy – whom if the Aces sign as Anderson professed, will be a significant roll of the dice – although I’m not too sure beating AJ will repair their friendship (I don’t have all the answers guys). We all know this gives the feud some real fire, and we also know AJ is going his own way without the need for picking a side regardless.
Arrive. Stare down. Kick to the face. Leave. Kudos AJ.
Up: Tick, tick, tick, boom.
This was a tale of two stories: one guy who should be on the roster yet isn’t, and one guy who shouldn’t be on the roster but is. That’s undesirable, but what’s not to like about Jay Bradley? Someone brought up an excellent comparison to Barry Windham and I like that, you cannot go wrong with an old school guy with a new school flavour who can cut a good promo to boot. I’d say that makes for a decent combination.
Down: Miscast or just plain suckage?
A lot of Christian York supporters (all two of them) have made a case for him. Whether it was being miscast in the X Division (he was), being thrust into undeserved matches with Jeff Hardy and RVD too quickly (he was), or something about poor haircuts (not relevant, but he does). Me personally, I just think he sucks. He’s too slow, his ring presence is out of whack, he’s been around the business a long time and doesn’t have a true identity other than sucking hard, and suffers from the harrowing case of being stuck in the middle of nothingness.
Down: Velvet mastering the change of clothes.
Erm…
Down: Position your champ!
So, we’re three weeks from Slammiversary and Gail-Taryn is booked whilst Velvet Sky (and her title reign) is relegated to Impact. I think TNA have just suffered broken ankles by dispersing themselves from the Velvet Sky bandwagon as quick as they have.
Am I being too mean? I guess this makes the TNA writers VELVET H8ERS as well? Gosh darn us.
Can you guys see the problem? This isn’t a case of irrepressible hate towards Velvet, it’s not just the minority who can’t get on board with her as a champion either, she just isn’t able to connect with the crowd other than the releasing of the pigeons. We’re talking about a division that right now is suffering from a parade of little direction and the need for talent to step up and be counted, and as champion Velvet should be leading that charge. Instead she’s being uprooted by the plucky newcomer in Taryn, someone who has a PPV spot whilst Velvet no sells the ability to sell an injury in a convincing manner. As for the match it’s Gail Kim vs Velvet Sky, we’ve seen it before, we’ve all got the t-shirt. If you must go back and watch any of their previous encounters, at least with those examples you don’t need to witness her clutching her leg in an exasperating fashion.
Up: Another Gail Kim Figure Four Leg Lock appreciation post.
Because why not?
Up: X-traordinary.
Since the new X Division reared its head we’ve had some good bouts and some not so good bouts, there wasn’t really a match that made me in particular sit back and realise how good this concept could be, until this happened. What happened you may be asking? Out of this world and fast paced wrestling happened, video packages hyping up this match happened, and that’s always a good thing (always!)
We witnessed a lot of good things, the dynamic between Sabin and King in particular was the main selling point – both before and during the match – and whilst that isn’t to say Petey didn’t play his part, it’s just hard to truly feel he was a major player in this match when most of the focus prior was fixated on Sabin and King. I guess that’s the good and the bad when it comes to this three way concept, sometimes it will help progress feuds that couldn’t survive on their own, and sometimes it will hinder the progression of a particular relationship we didn’t quite expect. There’s not a lot we can do about that, it’s all part and parcel, and whilst it’s not the best thing in the world to see Petey just tossed aside, it could (and should) open the door for TNA to find a loophole in the form of a singles contest for the instance in which two competitors are crying out for more of the spotlight.
Down: Poor Garrett and Wes.
I’ll revert to the point I made last week – D’lo convinced management that these two were ready for national TV, the only thing burying the duo is…
Absolutely nothing, they’re a pair of wonderful and supremely talented individuals. Honest.
Down: James Storm on a crusade for a storyline.
Set the scene: As Storm stumbles up and down his locker room, half-drunk from Moonshine and the rest courtesy of unfulfilled hopes and dreams dashed by creative he wonders, wonders where it all went wrong. If only Jason Hervey’s unorthodox camera angles could rejuvenate his career, maybe a shot from stage exit 3 could propel him to the world title scene once again. In the meanwhile all of Storm’s eggs are being placed in a Chris Harris shaped basket (knock, knock, who’s there you may ask?) It’s a sad state of affairs when you think about it, and believe me Storm can’t stop thinking about it. No career has descended faster than this particular case since the Queen herself Lindsay Lohan. Storm knows it, the comparisons with Lohan start and end with that instance (Storm is better looking anyway), but that’s no consolation.
On a serious note, are we seriously holding out hope for a Chris Harris return? The last time he showed up it wasn’t exactly a portrayal of never ending beauty, if it’s for a one night deal then you could understand the logic, but a stop gap ‘solution’ doesn’t exactly help nullify the narrative surrounding James Storm’s horrendous direction either.
Down: Bad Influence separating?
It may just be me suffering from the after effects of a potential split between Aries and Roode, but the backstage segment and the match itself displayed potential cracks between Daniels and Kaz – with Kaz in particular seemingly distant. I hope this isn’t true, please.
Down: D’lo in the main event et al.
We’re in 2013 right? Right?!
There’s not a lot I can/or want to say, Park sees blood and snaps therefore channeling his inner Abyss. Wash, rinse and repeat.
Up: Damage limitation.
Sting’s gone through multiple personality changes, whether that’s blonde Sting, Joker (which sounded more like Jim Carrey) Sting, Crow Sting or 2013 Sting with the awesome t-shirt! My favourite Sting without a doubt has to be no strings attached Sting, where he just straight up told it like it was in a way only Sting could – AKA this Sting.
Now you all know my stance on this match, not that it matters, and it hardly sets my inner wrestling fan alight when you mention Sting main eventing a PPV in 2013, but they sold it here as well as they possibly could have. From listening to Sting’s threats that ventured from the vulgar (pierce my throat), to the slightly less problematic (snap my arm in two) to the weak in comparison (make me bleed) – and truthfully I wouldn’t have been surprised if Sting followed the less intimidating threats up with a statement of a tickle or a goofy laugh, because Sting everybody! – it was apparent Bully was starting to have doubts and that’s just what this match needed. Instead of Bully just being a schoolyard bully asking everyone in attendance whether they know who he is yet, he showed weakness, he looked slightly frail. That was from Sting nonetheless!
I won’t sit here and pretend this completely changed my line of thinking, because it hasn’t. But I now see Sting in a slightly different light, particularly in the sense he’s now playing the role of a desperate individual at his last turn in the road. Whilst the no DQ rule was questionable as it plays perfectly into Bully’s path, the stipulation positioned in front of Sting (in which he loses he can’t challenge for the world championship again) was pitch perfect, in turn both events played off each other in an effective manner. Now we have a lot to gain and much more to lose on both sides, a reason to invest if you will. It feels more of a stumbling block for the Aces to overcome as opposed to TNA going through the motions and spinning their wheels until Bound For Glory.
It sounds quite odd, but a stipulation shrouded in kayfabe can truly foreshadow TNA’s ambition moving forward. If Bully retains and they’re serious about Sting stepping away from the main event scene, well there’s your perceived ambition. If Sting wins however and two years from now he’s main eventing Slammiversary 2015 I’ll throw my hands up and laud TNA on, well being TNA.
