Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick or Treat?

It's Halloween night in TNA town and Knockouts lurk all around, mischief and mayhem, wins and losses – which TNA Knockouts deserve a trick or a treat?


Tara: Treat
Just like the bride of Frankenstein (or the bride of Mr. Pec-Tacular) Tara just finds a way to keep on going and does so with the tunnel vision of wanting to be the best TNA Knockout ever. The fact that she is able to constantly reinvent herself and keep her work at a high level, earns her a treat from me.


Miss Tessmacher: Treat
Beautiful yet deadly, like Jennifer from “Jennifer's Body,” Miss Tessmacher has had a tremendous year climbing the Knockouts ladder in TNA. Much like the character from that movie, Miss Tessmacher also went to war with her best friend and came up short in the end. I just wish Tess would display some of Jennifer's personality. Still, what she has accomplished this year earns her a treat from me.


Gail Kim: Treat
I really could have went either way on this, but Gail just narrowly avoids getting a trick because of her consistent title reign at the start of the year, which did help restore some prestige to the belt. Unfortunately, it was a title reign with very little spark and since then, Gail has done little to show us any excitement elsewhere. Like Sumara from the movie “The Ring,” Gail is (at times) just too quiet for her own good.


ODB: Treat
A Halloween spent at the home of Mrs. Eric Young could end up a lot of fun, or it could end up like something from the Stephen King novel “Misery.” ODB has always been known for her fun loving party girl side, but lately she's shown hints of a more psychotic nature, particularly when it comes to her hubby EY being around other women. I'd like to see more of that side of ODB but for always being entertaining, she gets a treat from me.


Brooke Hogan: Trick
Sorry Brooke, but no candy for you this Halloween. In my book, she just hasn't done enough to deserve it. If TNA was to remake Wes Craven's “Scream,” she'd be Drew Barrymore. The good looking blonde who draws attention at the start but who ultimately contributes very little to the overall plot line. Brooke caused a stir when she first debuted, but not much else has happened since. I keep waiting for Miss Hogan to break out and steal the Knockouts show, but it hasn't happened yet. This Halloween, she gets a trick.


Mickie James: Trick
I hate to do it to my favourite Knockout but this year, the leader of the James Gang gets a trick. I struggle to think of anything noteworthy Mickie has done in a year and for someone of her talents, that's a shame. Hardcore Country needs a new attitude, a new challenge and a new push (maybe something inspired by Mallory Knox from “Natural Born Killers” for example). But until that happens, sorry Mickie, no candy for you. Even if you do come to my door dressed as the hottest cowgirl ever!


Speaking of outfits..... When it comes to Halloween, one of the most fun things to do is dressing up in whatever spooky attire takes your fancy. With that in mind, if any ladies out there feel like dressing as their favourite TNA Knockout tonight, I present to you the Jason Blade Top 5 Knockout Halloween Characters:

5) Zombie Angelina Love (sexy blonde turned walking dead)
4) The Queen Bee (Madison Rayne in full Princess mode, including blood curdling scream)
3) Tara (tarantulas always add a scare factor)
2) Daffney (it was always October 31st with Daff)
1) Winter (dark, mysterious, witchy woman who probably celebrated Halloween with a little blood drinking by the moon but c'mon, who wouldn't love to have Winter come trick or treating at their house?)

Bonus treats go to all the staff and readers of TNAsylum for being awesome. Unfortunately, I have to give out tricks to TNA creative and management for some questionable handling of the Knockouts division this year. That means Prichard and Lagana may get some toilet paper thrown at TNA headquarters this year by ol' Jason Blade.

Happy Halloween!!!